Today...

...someone stole my phone. More to come later.

Music.

Some people say love makes the world go 'round. I say music does that. Make the world go 'round. Music is like a big warm hug for the soul. We all like it. We all enjoy it. We may have different preferences as to which genre speaks to us, but what it all comes down to, it affects us, entertains us, sustains us.

I listen to music all the time. I like to discover new music. I like it when someone reveals an artist to me that I never knew before. I love to introduce someone else to my favorite artists and pieces of music. I love how music can set the mood. I will listen to a happy song, and instantly feel happy. I will listen to a melancholic song, and within the first few notes, melancholy will invade my mind.

I like it that way. But it also scares me a little. If music can have this kind of power over me. How much more am I ruled by my own instinctive emotions and feelings. Yikes. I'm not even sure I want to know. But then again, I kinda already do.

May 14th

Life is like one big birthday party. A continuous parade of gifts entering our lives, in the form of people, experiences and opportunities.

Sometimes we get an ugly home knit sweater that wasn't exactly what we wanted, but when the furnace dies and it is freezing cold, we can't help but wear it anyway. Sometimes we get just what we want, and it is great, up until the point that we realize that we never really needed it. Some times some one you didn't expect shows up at your door, and sometimes the one person you were expecting never shows.

Some people are really good at throwing a party, others feel hopelessly inadequate when it comes to party planning. There are always parts of the party that aren't the most fun, but in the end the parts that are fun, good and entertaining, make up for the ones that aren't all that great.

I don't know what I am trying to say, but if you think you got it. Leave me a comment, let me hear from you.

Blogging is interesting. It is thinking out loud, on a piece of paper, or more accurately a computer keyboard. It is like journaling, for the world. Why do we do it?

To feel important maybe? To feel like what we have to say matter. If it's on the web, it's real right?

I'm not sure why I do it. But it's an interesting process. I must say though, photo blogging is more my thing.

People.

As this night comes to an end I am feeling content. Why? Because I have come to realize something. I was thinking about what means something to me, what makes me happy, and it is simple really. Mindblowingly (if that's a word, my computer says it isn't, but I don't care!) simple. People make me happy. Friendships. Acquaintanceships. Relations between other people and me. That is really what life is all about. Meeting people and being there with them in the moment, for the moment, at the moment. You know what I mean, you feel it too. That is life at it's very best. Having people in your life that you can love on and who loves you back. Wether that be through a smile, a hug, a cup of coffee or a Facebook wall post. It as all a sign of love. The love that we can only find the purest example of in the fellowship with one other person. You know who I'm talking about.

21st entry.

This is my 21st entry since I started this blog back in 2008. Back then I though of it as a place to collect my thoughts and such. Now it's somewhere I go to just write or process. Or neither. Or maybe both.

This being my 21st post, means that I now officially have the same amount of blog entries on my craft blog (www.camillaseamstosew.blogspot.com) and this other blog thing, that I don't know what to classify as.

A couple of months ago, I started stumbling. Not in the common sense of the word, that means almost falling. But in the sense that I joined the StumbleUpon network. A website with the purpose of wasting time. But I do find a lot of good things; cool photos, DIY tutorials, craft ideas, funny quotes and all kinds of funny random things. Today I stumbled upon a set of rules. I know, rules are usually super lame, but not these ones. They are called 'A codified set of the builder's, crafter's, maker's rules' I will just highlight a few of the ones I really liked.

#3 The effort itself is the reward. Yes, I did spend three days on a device to save me ten minutes. You are missing the point of the process.

#5 Miscellaneous parts are life. I'm keeping that because I will need it someday. Last time I threw something out, I needed it the very next day.

#7 Projects are stackable. It's not that I am starting something new before finishing something old - I'm nesting the new project inside the old.

The entire list will now be up on my wall for everyone and myself to see, because it is so full of truth. Can't you tell?

Perfection.

Okay, so I am going to continue where yesterday left off. Heartbreak. I have written about this subject before, and I guess you can say it is because this subject is close to my heart. I have experienced heartbreak more times than I want to count. I have known people who have gotten their heart broken and broken the heart of another person. I have broken my own, and someone else's heart at the same time. Trust me, when it comes to heartbreak, I know a thing or two.

I have tried everything I could to keep myself safe from it. I built walls around my heart, and made sure not to let anyone in too far. But the problem with that is, it doesn't work. If you want to experience love, you simply must let people into your heart, and I do want that. I have wanted that and I still do. The hardest thing for me is believing that someone will actually love me for me. With all that I am and all that I fail to be. So I try to take it slow, one step at a time, only letting them see part of me and part of who I am. Struggling with a constant fear, am I too much or maybe not quite enough? But like I said. It doesn't work. People say that love is blind. And I think that is true. I tend to fall head over heals, forgetting to think in the process and get lost in the beautiful mess of emotions. I am an emotional whore. I fall too quickly, and I let go of all my rules and ideals, all the guidelines it set for myself, to keep my heart safe. I give out my emotions, without thinking about the consequence. I feel too much, and I don't think enough.

And now to the happy ending of this blog. You know what, I'll get back to you on that one, in a few years when I am happily married and have actually found the guy that can and will love me, not because of me but in spite of me. Not because he is blinded by love, but because he can see through all of the insecurity and pretense. See who I really am, even when I am trying to be better. Someone who will look at me and see the woman God created me to be and help be strive to be her. Someone who will lift me up when I am feeling down and help me let go of my anger towards myself, the world or anything that might upset me. That one guy that looks at me with all my flaws and sees perfection. Not because I am perfect, but because he chooses to love me even when I am not.