Love is a choice. I have stated this in a previous blog post, and I still believe it to be true. We decide whether or not we are going to share our love with the people we are surrounded by. Whether that be our friends, co-workers, family, boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. We can choose to be selfish or we can choose to die to ourselves in order to serve the people we love. That is our choice.
I have been reading a wonderful book called, 'the Meaning of Marriage' by Timothy Keller (it is also written by his wife, Kathy, in part) In this book he talks about acts of love, how we can love our partner, even when we don't feel the love. Then by acting love towards them, our feelings are fueled, and we are somehow able to ‘feel’ the love again. When the feelings are lacking, we rely on our willful choice to still love them.
This also translates to our lives with God. We won’t always ‘feel’ God. We won’t always ‘feel’ like reading, but we do it as an act of love.
Because we love God, not so he will love us, but because he has already loved us. Even before we loved him.
So we choose, consciously, willfully and determinately to show Him love, even when we don’t feel it. We do this by praying, not because we have to but because we want to talk to our Creator and show him our love.
We do it by spending time in the word, not because we have to, but because we want to get to know Him more. We choose to seek him, not just when we feel like it, but even more so when we don’t feel like it, we decide to act out the love that we have for him.
And then in time, the acts of Love will (most likely) bring back those warm feelings of nearness, love, and acceptance. All the things we ‘feel’ in his presence. Feelings are a fleeting thing, we can’t trust them. They will ebb and flow, just like feelings do. But we commit to walk hand in hand with God. Good and bad. And that’s where the real magic happens. In relationship with God, and in relationship with each other.
The ultimate human example is most magically displayed in marriage. We let one other person into the inner courts and let them see all the dirty stuff. We decide to love them when we feel the warm and fuzzy stuff, they do something sweet and we can only see how good they are.
But more importantly we decide to love them when they aren’t perfect. When they fail and need to have forgiveness extended to them. This is where the closest human thing to magic happens. Two people entering a covenant, not because they expect it to me easy all the time, but because they have decided that even when it's not easy, they are still going to stick around and fight it out. A covenant relationship. Bound to succeed. An impossibility. Yet the truest reality.
Call off the search, dismiss the dogs.
I have found him; there is no need to look any further.
I have found the one that makes my heart skip a beat. Listens when I am sad or just can't stop talking. Takes my hand and doesn't let go. Who sees me with all my imperfections and still loves me the same.
Not because he wants me to love him, but because he can't help it. Love compels him, like it compels me.
Love beckons us to love with all that we are.
And that is exactly how I will spend my life. Loving recklessly and without thought for the consequence.
I will hope, however, that the consequence will be a long and happy life, with lots of wonderful consequences. I guess all I can do is leave it up to time (not chance) and let it all unfold before my eyes.
Sometimes we substitute the words we really want to say with something else. We say darn it or shoot. Trying to convince ourselves that people don't know what we are really thinking. Why? We all know what's really going on.
But this doesn't always just happen with negative words. Sometimes it happens with good words too. Maybe we are afraid to tell some one that we think they look fantastic, so we use nice instead. We are afraid to come off too strong, so we tone it down a little.
We tell people we like them, instead of stepping it up and telling them we love them. We say we really care about them or that they are important to us, but we hold off with that little four letter word 'l-o-v-e'. Love. Why? We all know what's really going on.
We try to make sure we don't make ourselves look stupid, what if we said something to someone and they didn't return it. What if we said those three magical words, and the only response we got was a blank stare. So we wait. We wait until we think we are absolutely positive they'll respond the way we want them to. But is that really what love is? Love... always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. (1. Corinthians 13,7)
So if we really love someone, we need to tell them. And we need to tell them often. Not just whenever it seems plausible that they feel the same way. Because that's exactly it, love isn't a feeling. It's a state. A choice. An action, a conscious decision to be there for someone, even when the feelings lack. We love our families, because we do. Not because we feel love for them, but because we have a bond, that goes beyond how we feel. At least that's my definition.
This is what the dictionary says.
