Mother's Day.

Today is May 8th 2011. It also happens to be Mother's day, both in Denmark and in the US, but I suspect that this is not always the case. Then again, I might be wrong. Is it international? I know Father's day isn't, because here in Denmark it is always on June 5th which is also the anniversary of when our constitution was signed. I never understood why they put those two together.

When I was growing up, we would always forget mothers day, and since the stores weren't open on sundays, we would have to either go to the nearest gas station, or more likely have our Dad take us, or we would have to make something random out of nothing. Then for Father's day, we would remember 1) because we had just been reminded that this kind of holiday existed, 2) our mom would always remind us to get or make something.

I think it is a neat Holiday, because mothers need to be reminded how important and special they are, but mostly I think all the sons and daughters need to remember and acknowledge how lucky and blessed they are to have a loving mother. I have known more than one person who lost their mother way too early, and I tell you if there is one thing they can never tell you often enough, it is to remember to tell her how important and special she is, because you never know when you will get the chance to tell her again, if at all.

I dream of becoming a mother one day. Not for the flowers, chocolates or recognition this one day in May. But for the opportunity of loving someone passionately and abundantly. To form a unique bond that only exists between a Mom and her daughter or a Mom and her son. I have witnessed several pregnancies, and I want to try that to. I want to feel what it is like to have your body taken over by another person growing inside of you. Not right now. But someday... Yes, surely some day. I want to teach them all the things my parents taught me; how to ride a bike, tie my shoelace, use a knife and a fork etc. But I also want to teach them all the silly stuff like my Mom taught me; to dye my lips blue with M&M's or make faux teeth out of an orange peel. I want to teach my daughters how to sew and my boys too. I want to watch them grow and grow, and form their personalities, from crib and till I die. Hopefully after a long fulfilling life, full of love. Love for my husband, my kids and God. What is a life without love? It is a life half lived.

So there you have it, I want to get married and have babies and a house, with a craft room where I can work on all my projects and my kids can come and make whatever they want. I won't ever yell at them for being messy, because I know it is often times part of a creative process. But when the process is over, I'll be there to help clean up the mess, weather that be in their room or in their hearts. One thing I am sure of, I don't want to deal with any more heartbreak of my own.

Sleep

Last night I fell asleep on the couch at 10.20 pm. For those of you who know me, you also know that this is a rare occurrence. This is also why this blog post is so late.

Yesterday was my final day of work (this week) and I guess I had been keeping myself a little busy. With a 43 hour week, compared to my usual 33 hours, I guess you can say I spent a little too much time at work this week. FYI a normal full time position in Denmark is 37 hours. But who cares with co-workers that are so great and when there is lots to do? I sure don't mind.

I just woke up at 7 am, after 9 hours of sleeping on the couch and it hurt when I took a breath. This happens to me on a regular basis, the breathing thing. I usually say it's whenever I sleep too much, but I think this time it had more to do with the hard couch and being curled up into a ball, than the amount of sleep, even though 9 hours is a whopping 50% more than I get on an average night.

I want to get something out of my day though, so going back to sleep seems pointless. However, I am also still tired, so this is a battle that will unfold between my mind and my body. Who shall win? This I cannot answer I'll let you know in my next post.

Cinco de Mayo and our liberation day!

Today is may 5th. That means all kinds of things in all different kinds of places. Some people may be celebrating Cinco de Mayo (I don't actually know the story behind this celebration or what happens when celebrating...?) For me and the 5.5 million other Danes it means that it has been exactly 66 years since we were liberated from the German oppressors. How do we celebrate this you ask? Well, not very loudly actually. We as a nation put flags on our busses, like we do on all other memorable days, such as our Queen's birthday, or when any one in her family have their birthday for that matter. Some people may put candle lights in their windows once it's dark. Why you ask? Well, back in the early 1940's there was a little something called WWII, during which Germany oppressed Denmark, forcing us to stay indoors after 8 pm and shutting our blinds as well. So as a symbol of the liberation from the Germans and the freedom that followed, we put candle lights in our windows, to remember and to remind ourselves of what it was like.

Sorry I didn't mean for this to turn into a history lesson.

Initially I was going to write something about a completely unrelated subject. I was riding my bike today on my way home from work. I use these small bike paths that take me through residential areas, and I usually go at a pretty good speed. Anyway, I passed this group of young guys that were just standing around (one of them had a Vespa) and I thought to myself, 'They look like they are up to no good', not like gonna destroy things and beat people up or anything like that, just like they wanted to bug the crap out of someone, and as I passed them I half expected them to comment on my fast riding (this has happened before!) Or maybe they would spit on me, I saw spit on the ground (maybe I really wasn't going all that fast). The point of the story is, I saw these guys and expected them to be trouble, so I prepared myself for the worst and I started thinking, 'So if they do spit on me, how will I react?' I want to say that I would stop and tell them that it's disrespectful and unacceptable, an not let them off the hook till they apologize. But then again, would I really? Part of me thinks I would, but the other part is not so convinced, I would probably just keep driving, and go home and write about it on my blog. But I like to think I would stand up for myself. Hopefully, I'll never have to find out.

Today I worked an 11 hour shift. This means I am tired and I am getting up in 5 hours. Good night World! I have nothing left to say....

...at least not today.

Writer's Block

It's day three of this whole daily blog thing, I am starting to realize that it is a much harder task than I anticipated, when I first started off this journey. I am on day three and I have a writer's block. I don't have anything to say today really. I could talk about the weather, but that's what I did yesterday, I can tell you a little bit about myself, but that's what I did the day before. So, what more is there to say?

A lot, I would think. I just don't know where to begin or what to start with. I could write pages upon pages about all the ideas I have buzzing in my brain right now. Ranging anywhere from homemade home decor I've seen tutorials for online, to maybe starting an online store selling craft supplies like fabric and ribbon and buttons, to the dress, sweatshirt and baby dress I am working on simultaneously. That's another thing I tend to do, more than one thing at a time, I usually prefer to keep a list of things to do, so I can check them off as I get done, and so I know there is always a next project, wether that be at home or at work, I like to keep busy and have something to do.

Always hoping I won't drown in the process.

I am addicted to sunshine.

Actually most people are. I think that's a fair statement to make. Today the sun was out and my mood couldn't have been better. By stride was a little more bouncy, I may have whistled once or twice and the words 'skippe-li-doo' come to mind almost instinctively. But have you ever noticed how on rainy days people are more willing to bite back at you than hold the door open? I believe we are so addicted to the sun, that whenever it doesn't come out, we start acting like addicts in rehab. We only care about ourselves and our needs. Egotistical, selfish, self centered.

How about turning the rainy days in to sunny days? Go the extra mile for one another. Because it IS raining let's hold the door for a stranger, send them a smile, let them cut in front of you in the bathroom line. Who cares? (If you happen to be pregnant and have some one inside of you constantly kicking your bladder, you are excused.)

Less ME. More everyone else.

The very first of may.

I will be writing a blog entry for everyday of May. One might call this a daily blog, that's how I will refer to it. So why a daily blog? Well, I received a challenge, and I accepted it. A good friend of mine who is a talented writer, committed to do this and invited me to join him, and I thought to myself, 'Why not?'. This will be an interesting project, process and learning experience. I like to write, I do. But it's not something I have consistently spent a lot of time doing, and never as a daily thing. So this shall be very interesting to see what happens. I will make no promises as to the subjects I'll be writing about. This will have to be determined by my mood or what I have experienced that day. Maybe it will be affected by the music I have been listening to that day, because I do in fact listen to music every day. But mostly I think it will be a place for me to rearrange my thoughts and maybe make some sense of what is all happening in there, my head that is. I also refuse to commit myself to writing a specific length every day, maybe some days all it will be is a line or two. Others might turn into short stories. As you can tell there are no rules. I like it better that way.

So, yes. Today will only be an introduction I think. Maybe over the course of the next 31 days I will have my life figured out, wouldn't that be grand? I won't get my hopes up though, since this is what I have been trying to do the past 6 months without success.

My name is Camilla. I am 24 years old. When I turned 23 I had a quarter-life crisis. I have a little bit of gray in my hair. I live with my parents for the time being. I have no idea where I want to go, or what I want to do, but I am doing what I can to figure that out. I am single. A middle child, one older and one younger sister. Born and raised in Denmark right outside of the capital, Copenhagen, but I also consider several places in the US my home. Because home is where the heart is, right? I sew, crochet, knit, paint, glue, repair, bike, rearrange my room, laugh, smile and cry.

This is me. It's who I am, it's what I do. Most of the time anyway.