May 5th.

We're unstoppable.
Freedom is within reach now.
True freedom is grace.

May the 4th be with you.

Star wars nerd at side.
I will watch it some day soon.
Maybe once we're wed?

May 3rd.

Yesterday was the third day of daily blogging and I am already a day behind.

Making up for that now though.

I have realized today that I am so much more a daily photo blogger than a daily writing blogger. I like to write, don't get me wrong. But I don't like to be forced to write, even if I am the one forcing myself. I like to write when I have something to write about, either because I know what I want to write about or because my heart does.

Today I am forcing myself. And sometimes that is necessary too. So there. I blog. I like it. I live it.

Stay tuned.

May 2nd

Long hours working inside, on a sunny day.
At least summer is on it's way.

The very first of May version 2.0

Last year in may I committed to writing a blog post for each day of May. This year I am repeating that. This first post is going to be a post of retrospection and looking back over the year that has since passed. Identify the changes and constants. I mean how much can really change in a year? If you take me as an example, a whole lot can change.


The general overall theme of last years month of daily blogging was life and love, relationships and friendships. I asked a lot of questions and wondered about a lot of things. A lot of those questions now have been answered, but in the aftermath of the answers new questions are brought to life. A year ago I was single, now I am about to marry my dearest of friends.


He is lovely.


I have actually found the guy that can and will love me, not because of me but in spite of me. Not because he is blinded by love, but because he can see through all of the insecurity and pretense. See who I really am, even when I am trying to be better. Someone who looks at me and sees the woman God created me to be and helps be strive to be her. Someone who lifts me up when I am feeling down and helps me let go of my anger towards myself, the world or anything that might upset me. That one guy that looks at me with all my flaws and sees perfection. Not because I am perfect, but because he chooses to love me even when I am not. 
(Excerpt from my blog post 'Perfection' posted on May 9th 2011, past tense verbs have been exchanged with present tense verbs)


He is that guy. He makes my heart skip a beat. He listens to my heart. He comforts me and lets me comfort him. He cares for me and prays for me. He talks to me for hours and hours and never gets tired of my flow of heart. Because that is really what it is, an exchange of hearts. He prays with me, and learns with me. He picks me up, when I think I can't walk anymore. He is a man of God, walks faithfully with him and inspires me to do the same. Unchangeable, unconditional and eternal is his love for me.
O, how blessed I am.


We sin and we fail and we fall, but by the grace of God we get back up, we repent and receive forgiveness. He has been most good to us, and we will continue to run to him, with everything.


Two people, broken but trying; humbly pursuing. Stuck in a place where words fall short.

Acts of love.

Love is a choice. I have stated this in a previous blog post, and I still believe it to be true. We decide whether or not we are going to share our love with the people we are surrounded by. Whether that be our friends, co-workers, family, boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. We can choose to be selfish or we can choose to die to ourselves in order to serve the people we love. That is our choice.

I have been reading a wonderful book called, 'the Meaning of Marriage' by Timothy Keller (it is also written by his wife, Kathy, in part) In this book he talks about acts of love, how we can love our partner, even when we don't feel the love. Then by acting love towards them, our feelings are fueled, and we are somehow able to ‘feel’ the love again. When the feelings are lacking, we rely on our willful choice to still love them.

This also translates to our lives with God. We won’t always ‘feel’ God. We won’t always ‘feel’ like reading, but we do it as an act of love.

Because we love God, not so he will love us, but because he has already loved us. Even before we loved him.

So we choose, consciously, willfully and determinately to show Him love, even when we don’t feel it. We do this by praying, not because we have to but because we want to talk to our Creator and show him our love.

We do it by spending time in the word, not because we have to, but because we want to get to know Him more. We choose to seek him, not just when we feel like it, but even more so when we don’t feel like it, we decide to act out the love that we have for him.

And then in time, the acts of Love will (most likely) bring back those warm feelings of nearness, love, and acceptance. All the things we ‘feel’ in his presence. Feelings are a fleeting thing, we can’t trust them. They will ebb and flow, just like feelings do. But we commit to walk hand in hand with God. Good and bad. And that’s where the real magic happens. In relationship with God, and in relationship with each other.

The ultimate human example is most magically displayed in marriage. We let one other person into the inner courts and let them see all the dirty stuff. We decide to love them when we feel the warm and fuzzy stuff, they do something sweet and we can only see how good they are.

But more importantly we decide to love them when they aren’t perfect. When they fail and need to have forgiveness extended to them. This is where the closest human thing to magic happens. Two people entering a covenant, not because they expect it to me easy all the time, but because they have decided that even when it's not easy, they are still going to stick around and fight it out. A covenant relationship. Bound to succeed. An impossibility. Yet the truest reality.

Honesty vs. Vulnerability

These two words have been floating around my head all day. Last night I was talking to someone I care about a great deal, and we ended up in a conversation about honesty and vulnerability and how the two are different. This is the conclusion I reached;

Being honest, means telling the truth. When someone asks for your opinion, you share it truthfully. When someone asks for your advice, you simply tell them what you think. Honesty is easy. It doesn't ask much of you, but the simple truth.

Being vulnerable on the other hand is much harder. You can't just tell people the truth when they ask, you have to volunteer information, even when you don't want to. You have to open up completely and let people in. And the biggest difference is this, vulnerability is for the people we love. We can be vulnerable with them because we know they won't hurt us. They won't take advantage of our vulnerability. Because this is in it's purest form what love is all about. It is about letting go and letting in. Without vulnerability there can be no love, without love there can be no vulnerability.

Here is what the dictionary says;

honest |ˈänist|adjectivefree of deceit and untruthfulness; sincere: I haven't been totally honest with you.• morally correct or virtuous: I did the only right and honest thing.• [ attrib. ] fairly earned, esp. through hard work: struggling to make an honest living.• (of an action) blameless or well intentioned even if unsuccessful or misguided: he'd made an honest mistake.• [ attrib. ] simple, unpretentious, and unsophisticated: good honest food with no gimmicks.
vulnerable |ˈvəln(ə)rəbəl|adjectivesusceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm: we were in a vulnerable position |small fish are vulnerable to predators.

Call off the search.

Call off the search, dismiss the dogs.

I have found him; there is no need to look any further.

I have found the one that makes my heart skip a beat. Listens when I am sad or just can't stop talking. Takes my hand and doesn't let go. Who sees me with all my imperfections and still loves me the same.

Not because he wants me to love him, but because he can't help it. Love compels him, like it compels me.

Love beckons us to love with all that we are.

And that is exactly how I will spend my life. Loving recklessly and without thought for the consequence.

I will hope, however, that the consequence will be a long and happy life, with lots of wonderful consequences. I guess all I can do is leave it up to time (not chance) and let it all unfold before my eyes.