Life as is...

I work. That is what I do right now. That is what I am good at. That is what I know how to do. I don't have to face difficult life altering decisions when I am at work. I don't have to worry about what to wear, I have a uniform. I don't have to worry about my looks, all my colleagues are female. I don't have to feel personally responsible if I can't help people because something is out of stock.

But the truth is, I do. I do worry about the important decisions in life. I do worry about which jeans or what skirt I put on. I do worry about my hair and make up. And I do feel a personal defeat when I am unable to help out a customer.

Why? Well, I take pride in being good at what I do. I find my identity in being good at my job, being kind, looking pretty etc. Maybe that doesn't correspond well with what God tells us about identity and self worth. But this is, never the less, most certainly true for my life.

I listen. I listen to music. A LOT. I listen to birds and cars and other things on days when I can't find my headphones. This happens on a regular basis. I listen to music when I'm happy or when I'm sad. When it's a long trip and when it's short. Sometimes I listen to music on my break. Like right now. Maybe I do it to drown out my thoughts. Maybe to shut out the world. But mostly I think, I do it because I love music. It's therapy for the soul. And I love it. A LOT...

This is the end of my life as I know it...

It has been 6 months, almost to the date, since the last time I posted anything on here. I think that means it is time for an update.

So where has life brought me? Let us spend some time backtracking. Right now, I am sitting in the living room of my friends' apartment, waiting for the grocery store across the street to open. It is 8.48 am and the store opens at 9 am. I have a feeling that I won't finish writing this 'til after the shopping is done, though. But for now, let us just assume that as this is being written it is in fact 8.48 am. I am up way earlier on my day off than I have been in weeks. Why, you ask? Well, I spend the night at my other friends' apartment, because I don't have my own. I live with my parents. Yes, I am 24 years old, and I live with my parents. What's that? Oh yes, I do want to find my own place, and I have, more than once actually. This is the 3rd or 4th time I have moved back in with my parents, honestly I have lost track.

I am not sure what I want in life or where I want to go, or who I want to go there with. I know I have some fantastic people in my life, that I love to pieces, and without them, I don't know what I would do.

But I am a little frustrated with life. Why is it so hard to figure it out? And why is it, that whenever you have the hardest time finding your place in this world, it seems like everyone else has it all figured out. Degrees, careers, spouses, a place to live etc.

But then I stop and ask myself, well... is that really all there is to this life? Is that what it is all about? Do we absolutely HAVE to know where we are going and what we want to do with this one life that we are given, to be succeeding at living? You tell me, I don't know these things...

Shopping break.

Okay, I'm back.

As I was walking the short distance to the grocery store (it is literally a 2 minute walk from you leave the apartment 'til you enter the store) I was thinking about what I want more of in my life, or what I want to do more of. It's fairly simple actually. Three things. Photography, blogging and God. That is it. I am going to make a promise, to myself and to you reading this (if there is in fact anyone who reads this...?) I will take more photos. I will blog more. And I WILL spend more time with God. To get to know him better and get a closer relationship, and then hopefully, at some point in my life, I will be able to tell what God's plans for me are.

And just to emphasize that this change is really happening, here is a photo I took when I came back...